Mamu: chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aaya.
Girl: Ullu toh raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada.
*****************************
Ladka :tum mujh se shaadi karogi..?
Ladki :nahi
Ladka: lekin kyun..?
Girl: mere ghar wale nahi manenge...
Boy:ghar me kaun kaun hain?
Girl: Mere shohar aur 2 bachche.
*****************************
Sardarni: kitni baar kaha hai raat ko phone charging par mat rakha karo, blast ho jayega...
Sardar: tu chinta mat kar soniye, maine battery nikal li hai....
*****************************
Teacher: jis aadmi ke dono haath nahi hote
use Hindi aur English me kya kehte hain...
Student: Hindi me "thakur" aur English me "handsfree"
*****************************
Ek ladke ki shaadi nahi ho rahi thi,
Woh mannat mangne gaya.
Wahan uski maa khai me ghir gayi,
Woh bola – “yaa khuda teri khudai
apni toh mili nahi, papa ki bhi gawayi”.
*****************************
Sardar ne makkhi ke par tor kar kaha, udh ja.
Lekin
Makhi nahin udi,
Sardar ne kaha,
"sabit hua agar makkhi ke par tod diye jayen
toh makkhi sunn nahin sakti"
*****************************
Maa: beti tum saari raat kahan thi..?
Beti: main saari raat apne boy friend ke paas thi.
Maa: toh kar aayi apna muh kala.
Beti: toh kya hua Fair & Lovely hai na.
*****************************
Ek baar sardar ji kahin jaa rahe tahe ke ek diwaar par padha“padhne
wala gadha”
Sardar ko bahut gussa aaya, unhon ne mita kar likh diya,, “likhne wala
gadha”
*****************************
Ladka ladki se: tute hue dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar
karogi.
Ladki boli: tuti hui chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.
*****************************
Guddu ke radio me kuch problem ho gayi
Toh aur kharaab ho gaya
Usne radio khol kar dekha toh
Ek mara hua chuha mila
Yeh dekh kar munna gussa me bola
“Yeh chalega kaise..?
Singer hi mar gaya hai,,,
*****************************
Chae wala ladki dekh kar bola: bholi si soorat, ankhaon me masti, door
khadi sharmaye, haaye haaye,
Ladki boli: kali si soorat, haath me ketli, door khada chillaye, chae
chae,,
*****************************
Ek american ne ek swaami se bola,
Hamare yahan shaadi email se bhi hoti hai.
Iss par swaami bola kamaal hai,
Hamare yahan toh sirf female se hoti hai.
*****************************
Kanjush ne arbi ko khoon de kar uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usey Car gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarurut padi,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ke baar arbi ne laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos: Gusse se, "Car kyun nahi di?"
Arbi: munna,, ab hamare andar bhi kanjoos ka khoon daud raha hai.
*****************************
Ek kanjoos 14 manjila imarat se neche gira,
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khidki me
Apni biwi ko roti pakate hue dekha
Toh chilla kar bola
Meri roti nahi pakana,,,
*****************************
Kanjoos: yeh kela kitne ka hai.
Dukandaar: 1 rupaya
Kanjoos: 60 paisa ka de do.
Dukandaar: 60 paise me toh sirf chhilka milega.
Kanjoos: yeh le 40 paise, chhilka rakhle aur sirf kela de de.
*****************************
Bhikari: saab ek rupaya de do.
Saab: kal aana.
Bhikari: saala iss kal-kal ke chakkar me iss colony me mere lakhon
Rupaye fanse huye hain.
*****************************
1980 girls: maa main jeans pehnungi,
Maa : nahin beti log kya kahenge?
2050 girls: maa main mini skirt pehnungi,
Maa: pehen le beti kuch toh pehan le.
*****************************
Kabhi kabhi
Mere dil me
yeh khayal aata hai……
..
..
..
Kabhi kabhi
Mere dil me
yeh khayal aata hai…….
Kahana
Kabhi kabhi aata hai,
Aaj nahi aaya
Aane ke baad hi bataunga….
*****************************
Jinka woh hota hai, woh haath me hilate hain
Jinka woh nahi hota woh ungli laga kar hilate hain
Pata hai, kya hai woh ? woh hai tooth brush.
*****************************
Ravi- “tumhari umar kya hai?”
Rakesh- “baarah saal.”
Ravi- “pichhle saal bhi tumne yehi kaha tha.”
Rakesh- “toh kya main apni baat par atal na rahu?”
*****************************
Chacha- “Raju, tu bada shaitaan hai.”
Raju- “aisa mat kehna chachaji, nahi toh log aapko shaitaan ka chacha
keh kar bulayenge”
*****************************
Kaafi raat gaye ghar lautne ke baad Ravi ne Minu se apni safai pesh
karte hue kaha
“tumhe pata hai, mujhe ghar lautne me itni der kyun ho gayi.”
“janti hun, par tum apni mann gadhat kahani sunaakar apne dil ka bojh
halka kar lo”
*****************************
Teacher- “bachcho, jo kuchh puchhna ho puchh lo, ab exam najdik aa
gaya hai.”
Ravi- “bas aap itnaa bata dijiye ki question kis press me chhap rahe
hain?”
*****************************
Ravi ko uski maa ne pita. Toh Ravi bhaagakar chaarpaai ke niche chhip
gaya.
Uske pitaji ghar aaye aur puchha- “Ravi beta kahan hai?”
Uski maa ne haath se ishara karte hue bataya ki chaarpaai ke niche
chhip gaya hai.
Ravi ke pitaji ne chaarpai ke andar gaye Ravi ko bahar nikalne.
Ravi bola- “pitaji, kya aapko bhi maa ne maara hai jo yaha chhipne aa
rahe ho?”
*****************************
Pehla sharabi- “(dusare sharabi se) yaar, main kal bhaarat ka
pradhana mantri banunga.”
Dusra sharabi- “tu toh tab banega jab main istifaa de dunga”
*****************************
Doctor- kya baat hai, iss waqt yehan?
Guddu- mujhe kutte ne kaat liya hai.
Doctor- kya tumhe malum nahi hai ki main 7 baje ke baad kisi rogi ko
nahi dekhta...?
Guddu- jee, malum hai, magar yeh baat kutte ko malum nahi thi.
*****************************
Teacher : tumhara cast kya hai?
Student : pehle toh hum pandit the,
Fir rajput hue,
Fir baniya ho gaye,
Abhi hain darji,
Aur
Aage ammi ki marzi.
*****************************
Naukrani: “malkin,, chhote baba ne cockroach kha liya hai.”
Malkin: “oh god,, Doctor ko bulao”
Naukrani: “aap tension na lo,
Maine chhote baba ko cockroach maarne ka dawa pila dia hai.”
Girl : tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : ye toh depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai..
*****************************
Raat ke baarah baj chuke the. Bacha abhi tak
Soya nahi tha.
Bacha- “mummy, mujhe kahani sunao”
Mummy- “thodi der aur thehar beta. Abhi tere
Papa aayenge aur hum dono ko ek kahani sunayenge”
*****************************
Ek fauji officer ko kisi lambi duty par desh se
Baahar bheja gaya. Jab pardesh me rehte huye bahut
Din ho gaye toh ek din use ek chithi mili, jisme likha
Tha- “chalte samay maine aapko jo photo di thi,
Woh vaapas kar dijiye, main bank manager se shaadi
Karna chaahti hun”
*****************************
Pati :- main tumhare saath kuch bhi share kar sakta hun.
Patni:-chalo phir bank account se start karte hain.
*****************************
Patni: aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Pati: tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho.
Patni: main toh maa banne wali hoon
Pati: main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon
*****************************
Pati: ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.
Patni: kyon,, kya aapke dost chura lenge?
Pati: arey nahin, wo apna saaman pehchaan lenge.
*****************************
Pati:-aaj main sabha pati banunga.
Patni:-khabardaar jo aap mere alawa kisi aur ke pati bane.
*****************************
Pati:-main jeevan mein aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon, apne aap bana hoon.
Patni: lo, main aaj tak bekaar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi.
*****************************
Shohar : agar mere haath me hukumat ho toh main mulk
ki taqdeer badal dun..
Biwi : Tum pehle apni shalwar
badal lo subah se ulti pehni hui hai,,,,
*****************************
Dulha Dulhan se : Tumhara koi Boy Friend tha kya?
Dulhan chup rahi
Dulha: main iss khamoshi ko kya samjhun?
Dulhan: kaminey ruk jaa ginne toh de.
*****************************
Beta : papa, main itna bada kab hounga ki main mummy se bina puchhe
Bahar ja sakun?
Baap : beta abhi itna bada toh mein bhi nahi hua.
*****************************
Bete se naaraaj hote hue pita ne kaha- “Nalaayak,,
Love Letter maine bhi khoob likhe the magar…”
Beta- “magar kya pitaji?”
Baap- “Teri tarah galat grammar nahi
Likha karta tha”
*****************************
Sardar - yaar maina company ke computer ko jor jor se chalaya, button dabaya toh computer bolta hai “what
Are you doing”. Main jald hi bhag gaya.
Dusra dost- kyun..
Sardar - Computer ka dimaag bahut hai, woh malik ko bata dega toh...
*****************************
Bhola: kabhi kabhi mujhe apane charo aur
Andhera hi andhera najar aata hai.
Doctor : aisa kab kab hota hai,
Bhola : jab hamare ghar ki light chali jaati hai.
*****************************
Doctor ( marij se) : kyon bhai raat ko neend derr se aayi kya.
Marij (doctor se) : pata nahi doctor sahab,
Main toh kaafi pehle so gaya tha.
Ho sakta hai usne baad me aai ho.
*****************************
Grahak : chotu kya khana pakane me do gante lagte hain,
Chhotu : ji nahi, khana toh teen din pehle hi banaya gaya tha,
Ab toh bas sirf garam kiya ja raha hai.
*****************************
Pati : Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya toh main pagal ho jaaunga,
Patni : Dusri shaadi toh nahin karogey,
Pati: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai..
*****************************
Tinu : kauwa telephone par baith kar,
Kaon kaow kyun kar raha hai,
Chinu : lagta hai wah apani aawaj,
Door tak pahunchana chahta hai.
Girl: Ullu toh raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada.
*****************************
Ladka :tum mujh se shaadi karogi..?
Ladki :nahi
Ladka: lekin kyun..?
Girl: mere ghar wale nahi manenge...
Boy:ghar me kaun kaun hain?
Girl: Mere shohar aur 2 bachche.
*****************************
Sardarni: kitni baar kaha hai raat ko phone charging par mat rakha karo, blast ho jayega...
Sardar: tu chinta mat kar soniye, maine battery nikal li hai....
*****************************
Teacher: jis aadmi ke dono haath nahi hote
use Hindi aur English me kya kehte hain...
Student: Hindi me "thakur" aur English me "handsfree"
*****************************
Ek ladke ki shaadi nahi ho rahi thi,
Woh mannat mangne gaya.
Wahan uski maa khai me ghir gayi,
Woh bola – “yaa khuda teri khudai
apni toh mili nahi, papa ki bhi gawayi”.
*****************************
Sardar ne makkhi ke par tor kar kaha, udh ja.
Lekin
Makhi nahin udi,
Sardar ne kaha,
"sabit hua agar makkhi ke par tod diye jayen
toh makkhi sunn nahin sakti"
*****************************
Maa: beti tum saari raat kahan thi..?
Beti: main saari raat apne boy friend ke paas thi.
Maa: toh kar aayi apna muh kala.
Beti: toh kya hua Fair & Lovely hai na.
*****************************
Ek baar sardar ji kahin jaa rahe tahe ke ek diwaar par padha“padhne
wala gadha”
Sardar ko bahut gussa aaya, unhon ne mita kar likh diya,, “likhne wala
gadha”
*****************************
Ladka ladki se: tute hue dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar
karogi.
Ladki boli: tuti hui chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.
*****************************
Guddu ke radio me kuch problem ho gayi
Toh aur kharaab ho gaya
Usne radio khol kar dekha toh
Ek mara hua chuha mila
Yeh dekh kar munna gussa me bola
“Yeh chalega kaise..?
Singer hi mar gaya hai,,,
*****************************
Chae wala ladki dekh kar bola: bholi si soorat, ankhaon me masti, door
khadi sharmaye, haaye haaye,
Ladki boli: kali si soorat, haath me ketli, door khada chillaye, chae
chae,,
*****************************
Ek american ne ek swaami se bola,
Hamare yahan shaadi email se bhi hoti hai.
Iss par swaami bola kamaal hai,
Hamare yahan toh sirf female se hoti hai.
*****************************
Kanjush ne arbi ko khoon de kar uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usey Car gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarurut padi,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ke baar arbi ne laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos: Gusse se, "Car kyun nahi di?"
Arbi: munna,, ab hamare andar bhi kanjoos ka khoon daud raha hai.
*****************************
Ek kanjoos 14 manjila imarat se neche gira,
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khidki me
Apni biwi ko roti pakate hue dekha
Toh chilla kar bola
Meri roti nahi pakana,,,
*****************************
Kanjoos: yeh kela kitne ka hai.
Dukandaar: 1 rupaya
Kanjoos: 60 paisa ka de do.
Dukandaar: 60 paise me toh sirf chhilka milega.
Kanjoos: yeh le 40 paise, chhilka rakhle aur sirf kela de de.
*****************************
Bhikari: saab ek rupaya de do.
Saab: kal aana.
Bhikari: saala iss kal-kal ke chakkar me iss colony me mere lakhon
Rupaye fanse huye hain.
*****************************
1980 girls: maa main jeans pehnungi,
Maa : nahin beti log kya kahenge?
2050 girls: maa main mini skirt pehnungi,
Maa: pehen le beti kuch toh pehan le.
*****************************
Kabhi kabhi
Mere dil me
yeh khayal aata hai……
..
..
..
Kabhi kabhi
Mere dil me
yeh khayal aata hai…….
Kahana
Kabhi kabhi aata hai,
Aaj nahi aaya
Aane ke baad hi bataunga….
*****************************
Jinka woh hota hai, woh haath me hilate hain
Jinka woh nahi hota woh ungli laga kar hilate hain
Pata hai, kya hai woh ? woh hai tooth brush.
*****************************
Ravi- “tumhari umar kya hai?”
Rakesh- “baarah saal.”
Ravi- “pichhle saal bhi tumne yehi kaha tha.”
Rakesh- “toh kya main apni baat par atal na rahu?”
*****************************
Chacha- “Raju, tu bada shaitaan hai.”
Raju- “aisa mat kehna chachaji, nahi toh log aapko shaitaan ka chacha
keh kar bulayenge”
*****************************
Kaafi raat gaye ghar lautne ke baad Ravi ne Minu se apni safai pesh
karte hue kaha
“tumhe pata hai, mujhe ghar lautne me itni der kyun ho gayi.”
“janti hun, par tum apni mann gadhat kahani sunaakar apne dil ka bojh
halka kar lo”
*****************************
Teacher- “bachcho, jo kuchh puchhna ho puchh lo, ab exam najdik aa
gaya hai.”
Ravi- “bas aap itnaa bata dijiye ki question kis press me chhap rahe
hain?”
*****************************
Ravi ko uski maa ne pita. Toh Ravi bhaagakar chaarpaai ke niche chhip
gaya.
Uske pitaji ghar aaye aur puchha- “Ravi beta kahan hai?”
Uski maa ne haath se ishara karte hue bataya ki chaarpaai ke niche
chhip gaya hai.
Ravi ke pitaji ne chaarpai ke andar gaye Ravi ko bahar nikalne.
Ravi bola- “pitaji, kya aapko bhi maa ne maara hai jo yaha chhipne aa
rahe ho?”
*****************************
Pehla sharabi- “(dusare sharabi se) yaar, main kal bhaarat ka
pradhana mantri banunga.”
Dusra sharabi- “tu toh tab banega jab main istifaa de dunga”
*****************************
Doctor- kya baat hai, iss waqt yehan?
Guddu- mujhe kutte ne kaat liya hai.
Doctor- kya tumhe malum nahi hai ki main 7 baje ke baad kisi rogi ko
nahi dekhta...?
Guddu- jee, malum hai, magar yeh baat kutte ko malum nahi thi.
*****************************
Teacher : tumhara cast kya hai?
Student : pehle toh hum pandit the,
Fir rajput hue,
Fir baniya ho gaye,
Abhi hain darji,
Aur
Aage ammi ki marzi.
*****************************
Naukrani: “malkin,, chhote baba ne cockroach kha liya hai.”
Malkin: “oh god,, Doctor ko bulao”
Naukrani: “aap tension na lo,
Maine chhote baba ko cockroach maarne ka dawa pila dia hai.”
Girl : tum ladke kisi bhi ladki me sabse pehle kya dekhte ho?
Boy : ye toh depend karta hai ki ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai..
*****************************
Raat ke baarah baj chuke the. Bacha abhi tak
Soya nahi tha.
Bacha- “mummy, mujhe kahani sunao”
Mummy- “thodi der aur thehar beta. Abhi tere
Papa aayenge aur hum dono ko ek kahani sunayenge”
*****************************
Ek fauji officer ko kisi lambi duty par desh se
Baahar bheja gaya. Jab pardesh me rehte huye bahut
Din ho gaye toh ek din use ek chithi mili, jisme likha
Tha- “chalte samay maine aapko jo photo di thi,
Woh vaapas kar dijiye, main bank manager se shaadi
Karna chaahti hun”
*****************************
Pati :- main tumhare saath kuch bhi share kar sakta hun.
Patni:-chalo phir bank account se start karte hain.
*****************************
Patni: aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Pati: tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho.
Patni: main toh maa banne wali hoon
Pati: main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon
*****************************
Pati: ghar ka saara keemti samaan kahin chhupa kar rakh do, padosi aa rahe hain.
Patni: kyon,, kya aapke dost chura lenge?
Pati: arey nahin, wo apna saaman pehchaan lenge.
*****************************
Pati:-aaj main sabha pati banunga.
Patni:-khabardaar jo aap mere alawa kisi aur ke pati bane.
*****************************
Pati:-main jeevan mein aaj jo kuch bhi bana hoon, apne aap bana hoon.
Patni: lo, main aaj tak bekaar hi bhagwaan ko kosti rahi.
*****************************
Shohar : agar mere haath me hukumat ho toh main mulk
ki taqdeer badal dun..
Biwi : Tum pehle apni shalwar
badal lo subah se ulti pehni hui hai,,,,
*****************************
Dulha Dulhan se : Tumhara koi Boy Friend tha kya?
Dulhan chup rahi
Dulha: main iss khamoshi ko kya samjhun?
Dulhan: kaminey ruk jaa ginne toh de.
*****************************
Beta : papa, main itna bada kab hounga ki main mummy se bina puchhe
Bahar ja sakun?
Baap : beta abhi itna bada toh mein bhi nahi hua.
*****************************
Bete se naaraaj hote hue pita ne kaha- “Nalaayak,,
Love Letter maine bhi khoob likhe the magar…”
Beta- “magar kya pitaji?”
Baap- “Teri tarah galat grammar nahi
Likha karta tha”
*****************************
Sardar - yaar maina company ke computer ko jor jor se chalaya, button dabaya toh computer bolta hai “what
Are you doing”. Main jald hi bhag gaya.
Dusra dost- kyun..
Sardar - Computer ka dimaag bahut hai, woh malik ko bata dega toh...
*****************************
Bhola: kabhi kabhi mujhe apane charo aur
Andhera hi andhera najar aata hai.
Doctor : aisa kab kab hota hai,
Bhola : jab hamare ghar ki light chali jaati hai.
*****************************
Doctor ( marij se) : kyon bhai raat ko neend derr se aayi kya.
Marij (doctor se) : pata nahi doctor sahab,
Main toh kaafi pehle so gaya tha.
Ho sakta hai usne baad me aai ho.
*****************************
Grahak : chotu kya khana pakane me do gante lagte hain,
Chhotu : ji nahi, khana toh teen din pehle hi banaya gaya tha,
Ab toh bas sirf garam kiya ja raha hai.
*****************************
Pati : Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya toh main pagal ho jaaunga,
Patni : Dusri shaadi toh nahin karogey,
Pati: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai..
*****************************
Tinu : kauwa telephone par baith kar,
Kaon kaow kyun kar raha hai,
Chinu : lagta hai wah apani aawaj,
Door tak pahunchana chahta hai.
